So this whole college process has proven to be much more intense than I was hoping, sending out applications did give me some sort of peace of mind for maybe... a day or two... but after that I cannot stop thinking about getting all of my acceptances back so I can see a fuller more complete picture of my future. I've gotten back 6/9 of my applications and have even gotten two (and hopefully only) rejections. Its nerve wracking waiting until March/April for all of the decisions to come back, not knowing what your life will look like for the next four years is undoubtedly terrifying.
Getting my first rejections felt like a blow to my stomach, even though rejection sucks, I am glad that I experienced it so that in the future it wont hurt as much. With the rejection I go forth with the belief that I will go where I am meant to go, and I will be great wherever I end up. Hopefully there are more acceptances and good news to come.
In addition, of the 4 acceptances I have gotten the burden of financial aid is looming over me. Its insane how expensive certain colleges are compared to SUNY colleges, why in the world would one college want to cost 60k when some only cost 15k. I now know that my perception of Financial Aid was severely misguided going into this, I was lead to believe that Financial Aid would cover almost half of what it would cost in addition to what the school gives as a scholarship. However that is not the case for some schools. Now that the financial statements are coming in from the colleges that I have been accepted to, I cannot help but become discouraged and not want to see anymore acceptances, if that means staring debt directly in the face so be it. I truly believe that high schools should spend some time discussing the Financial Aid aspect of college in depth so students do not feel blindsided.
So what exactly does being accepted mean, does it mean a mountain of debt, does it mean being seen as some dollar sign or does it mean that I should be excited about starting a new journey and not being stressed about the money. Acceptances are supposed to bring about new feelings of growth and security, however every time I think of the financial aspect my mind gets cloudy. I just have to put the finances in the back of my mind and not stress too much until I get all of my decisions.